Love in Relationships and Marriage

This post was written by featured guest blogger – Milian

Marriage is the next important decision of your life after the decision about where to spend eternity, if you believe there is one. If you don’t, then it is the most important decision. Marriage is more important that the decision to buy a house or a car.

Most people’s houses last longer than their marriages. This is because before we build a house, we consult with qualified architects, structural engineers, land surveyors, quantity surveyors, friends and family. We also get licenses /approval from the government for the building plan before we even begin to build the house.

Even after we move into the house, we spend money to pay plumbers, electricians, carpenters, etc. to maintain it. The reason for this rigor is that we want the house to outlast a lifetime, and we know that there can be fatal consequences if the house is badly designed and built.

On the other hand, we are not required by law to have any knowledge about marriage, or have a plan drawn by qualified professionals before we are issued a certificate in less than an hour.

This is one of the major reasons why relationships and marriage fail; they are built on ignorance or incorrect knowledge. If you want to have a successful marriage that lasts a lifetime, you have to get the knowledge. It is not negotiable. Without it, you will make costly mistakes, and failure is imminent.

You wouldn’t dare sit in the cockpit of a jumbo jet to fly it for ten minutes without going through flight school, so why would you begin to fly the jet your marriage of a lifetime without taking lessons?

Choosing a life partner for marriage must not be done without careful and prayerful consideration. We are not mandated to be married; it is a choice we have to make.

I love air-crafts and I dream about flying jet fighters and making complex maneuvers (thanks to action movies), but I can’t get one off the ground because it takes more than my love to get the job done without killing myself.

You can love playing the piano and not know how to make beautiful music from it. So it is not love that is the problem, but knowledge practical working knowledge that comes from continuous training, practice and determination to make it work.

The United States divorce statistics says that;

41 percent of first marriages end in divorce.60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.73 percent of third marriages end in divorce1

You would expect that the person at least loved one of the three ex-partners. The reason for this is that they moved from one marriage to another along with the same ignorance that broke the last one. A good number of these marriages would have been saved if both parties knew what to do to keep it together. Sadly, the ignorance of parents is transferred to their children. That is why marriages of children from broken homes are more likely to end in divorce.

The Good Book says, “Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], and by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

So don’t go into marriage just because of the love you have for each other. You need to add large deposits of knowledge to your love account.

A successful marriage hinges on the application of knowledge, knowing and understanding God’s principles, not the exchange of love. Before you go into a marriage, you want understand the intricacies of women, the way they think and act and why they do what they do.

You need to understand the uniqueness of a man, what it means to be male. You need to learn how to live with another person, develop communication skills, learn about disagreements and conflict resolution, how to handle emotions and control anger, unfaithfulness and broken trust, to mention, but a few.

If marriage is a journey you want to undertake, love is your beautifully designed car with all the latest features and gadgets and knowledge is the gasoline. The further you want to go on the journey, the more gasoline you need and the more you need to stop at the gas station from time to time to refuel.

The Good Book says, “Getting wisdom is the most important thing you can do. Whatever else you get, get insight. Love wisdom, and she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will bring you honor. She will be your crowning glory.”

Without love, marriage is reduced to a business contract, and without knowledge love will burn out and the marriage will ultimately fail.

PS:

I strongly recommend books on relationship and marriage by Dr Myles Munroe, Gary Chapman, and other respected authors.

This is a follow up post to an earlier post what is love ?

References:

  1. http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/Family-Law-Blog/2012/October/32-Shocking-Divorce-Statistics.aspx

 

Photo by criminalatt. Published on 03 December 2013
Stock photo – Image ID: 100221453